That Time I Went To Brooklyn

I spent last week in NYC because some company was crazy enough to hire me.  I haven’t really talked about it, but the whole reason I stayed here in DC was to take on an internship that somehow turned into a job offer.  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t overwhelmed with the position, but it’s really exciting to be a part of something that’s ACTUALLY making a difference in the world (you know…something other than me blogging about myself).

Anyways, my accommodations were not at the famed Waldorf Astoria, but rather across the bridge (or I guess tunnel) in Brooklyn.  Not only had I never been to Brooklyn, but I had never stayed in an Airbnb.  Usually I would bitch about something like this, but I figured what the hell this is part of that post-grad life that will soon become a part of my reality and I just went with it.

The place wasn’t exactly in “Brooklyn,” but I still felt like I was Dan Humphries as I entered into the small walk-up with the stairway filled with the lovely scent of filth and weed.  While terribly sketchy, the “penthouse” (as the owner called it) was actually quite nice.  He wasn’t there (thank God) and with an entire evening open the day that I got there, I decided to explore.

My first finding?  This little gem of a locker.  I appreciate anyone with a good sense of humor – God knows I’m saltier than the rim of a margarita.  But when I opened each of the four drawers, I realized that this little accessory wasn’t for satirical purposes…the four slots actually had their respective contents – drugs, guns, cash, and dildos.

The upper left drawer was filled with pot (and bongs or whatever the hell you smoke the junk out of) and while the upper right didn’t have a gun, it did have a number of bullets.  The bottom left had about $600 worth in twenty dollar bills and the bottom right…well…it’s exactly as what the label stated.

I continued my search – with a furrowed brow that isn’t helping the wrinkles on my forehand that are deeper than the Grand Canyon – to the other side of the room.  There, I found a small box with two watches within:  the first was from a maker I can’t remember and the other was a Patek.  I looked both up online and – combined – they’re worth approximately $50k-$65k.  I assume the owner was blazed out of his mind when he left his “penthouse” because who in their right mind leaves something like that behind is beyond me.  I mean for God’s sake I pack a bag with my valuables whenever the fire alarm in my dorm goes off…

My quest ended with the most important space: the closet.  Overall, I was pretty underwhelmed by the gents pieces – however, I will say that he has good taste in sports coats.  There were several pieces from Yves Saint Laurent as well as a couple of Brooks Brothers Black Fleece blazers that I happily tried on.  Good thing they were winter pieces or I just might have worn one to the office…

After an exhausting session of pilfering, my co-worker (who amazingly put up with my insanity throughout the four days) and I walked down the street, grabbed some cold (cheap) wine, and a pizza from a place that was recommended on UrbanSpoon.  That evening, we sat outside getting to know one another on the deck and you know what…it was actually quite lovely.  No pomp and circumstance, no staged photos – just real conversations about the past, present, and future.  I actually woke up early every morning just to sit out there, surf on my computer, and even read a couple chapters in my book because it was so nice.  The only problem is that Rufus never showed up with the waffles…terribly disappointed.

Looking back, last week was one that included lots of “firsts” (like me fixing a bloody toilet at 5:30am in the morning that I shall not go into details about) and while they pushed me miles outside of my comfort zone, it was nice to not only be happy but genuinely excited about my future.  While I’m not sure when I’ll indulge in my next adventure to Brooklyn, I will say that’s far nicer than all the negative crap people say about it.  Sorry Eloise, but you can disapprovingly munch on your stupid macaroons in your “UES” mouse hole for all you want…

Oh – and Airbnb.  I’m on the fence about it.  Definitely easy to paint some pictures of grandeur on the owner’s part and while it was totally creepy to be LIVING in someone’s space, it was kind of fun.  I hear you can rent some amazing spaces so perhaps I’ll look into it again when I’m ready to have some excitement in my life.

All in all, NYC was great.  Hope to be up there before Harriman – aka the BEST WEEKEND OF THE YEAR – but time will tell.

-Dean

Comments

  1. What a great satirical post, actually chuckled a few times out loud. I’ve been interning this summer in NYC and have to say that those crazy, quirky, and unexpected experiences that you realize would only happen here make for the best memories!
    Cheers, Tia

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